Her long search for herself ends in a Syracuse tragedy: A vet’s life on an ‘identity rollercoaster’

Syracuse VA Medical Center. Photo credit: Greta Stuckey

Elisa Rae Shupe’s life was a journey of emotional pain, soul-searching and inspiration from the military women who transitioned before her, she wrote in a 2015 New York Times essay.

It began with childhood sexual abuse as a young boy named James, she said. She joined the U.S. Army. Later, she started identifying as a transgender woman and won a historic court case for trans rights.

She suffered through mental health crises and briefly embraced the anti-transgender movement—a decision she later regretted. This journey ultimately led to the top of a five-story parking garage in Syracuse.

Shupe, 61, identifying as Elisa Rae Shupe, died by suicide Jan. 27 near the Syracuse VA Medical Center, a month after undergoing gender confirmation surgery there. She wrapped herself in a transgender pride flag and died near dozens of Syracuse University students and faculty.

Her death received little attention in the mainstream media, but it sent a shudder through LGBTQ+ communities in Upstate New York and beyond. To them, it underscored the heightened risks of suicide among veterans and transgender people.

On Feb. 23 in Syracuse, around 150 people held a vigil to mourn the trans lives lost here, including Shupe, who lived in Las Vegas but came to Syracuse for care.

Many trans people around the country knew Shupe from her landmark court victory. In 2016, she became the first person in the country to gain legal recognition of a nonbinary gender — neither male nor female.

The trans community felt the timing of her death, too. Shupe died in the opening days of the effort by President Donald Trump and national Republicans to limit trans rights and public services for them.

Hours after being sworn in Jan. 20, Trump signed an executive order revoking the Biden administration’s decision to allow all qualified Americans to serve in the military.

Then, hours after Shupe’s death, Trump signed executive orders rolling back rights for trans people. This time, an order specifically said it would ban trans people from the military because “they are not mentally and physically fit to serve.” The orders never used the word “transgender” and instead used terms such as “false gender identity.”

About 15 minutes before her death, Shupe emailed a note to several people across the country. She did not blame the Syracuse VA for her death but raged against the VA’s upper management and the Trump administration.

“You cannot erase non-binary and transgender people because you give birth to more of us each day,” Shupe wrote.

‘Identity rollercoaster’

Shupe grew up in Southern Maryland with seven siblings. She was sexually abused as a child, she said, and recalled being physically abused for acting like a “sissy.”

She served in the Army from 1982 to 2000, working as a tank mechanic and rising to the rank of sergeant first class. While stationed at Kentucky’s Fort Knox, Shupe met her wife. The two married in 1987 and had a daughter.

Shupe said she felt like an outcast as a child and in the Army. She struggled with gender dysphoria in the military but said she didn’t seek treatment because of the harsh environment. She recalled sabotage from other soldiers who thought she was gay.

Shupe began transitioning in 2013 at the age of 49, according to her Times essay. She said in an NPR interview that she was in a deep depression and told her family that she “had to transition, or she would shoot herself in the head.”

In 2016, Shupe applied to the Oregon Department of Motor Vehicles to be listed as nonbinary. The agency refused, so she went to court and won, becoming the first legally recognized nonbinary person.

“She was really progressive, and there was no opposition to it at that time,” her lawyer, Lake Perriguey, told syracuse.com. “She felt things really deeply and was often dealing with an internal identity rollercoaster.”

Perriguey said he remembers Shupe talking about her struggle to blend in as a trans woman because she wasn’t confident in her appearance. She had a tough time coming to terms with her role in the trans movement, he said.

The court decision made national and international headlines. At the time, it seemed to free her.

“These days I have total freedom in my gender expression,” she told a Pittsburgh LGBTQ blog in 2016. “I present in any manner I choose depending on my mood or needs. My gender identity is still highly feminine, but I’ve been freed from the confines of both manhood and womanhood. Nowadays I’m just a human, that gets to exist outside of the confines of the gender binary. And it’s wonderful!”

‘Burned bridges on both sides’

By 2019, Shupe no longer wanted to identify as transgender. She rejected her previous views, becoming a public opponent of trans rights and gender-affirming care.

Identifying then by her birth name, James Shupe, she wrote an essay for The Daily Signal, a conservative news website. She blamed medical professionals for helping her transition, saying LGBTQ+ organizations helped “screw up her life.”

During this time, Shupe said she had post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder and possibly borderline personality disorder.

In 2022, Shupe reclaimed her transgender identity. She said she was taken advantage of by members of the anti-trans movement while struggling with her mental health. From 2022 until her death in 2025, she publicly identified as trans.

In a 2023 interview, Shupe summed up the impact of her decisions: “I burned bridges on both sides of the aisle. So, at this point, I’m just all alone in my life.”

‘She was used’

Shupe received psychiatric care at the Syracuse VA, according to a VA notification sent to government officials and reviewed by Syracuse.com.

She had been in psychiatric care units in the past, according to the note she left.

Stef Trump, a friend of Shupe’s who met her online, told syracuse.com: “Her life was always full of rejection and pain.” The last time they exchanged words, Shupe told the friend she was suicidal and checking herself into psychiatric care.

“She was harsh in her feelings and language,” Stef Trump said. “Elisa, her very being, pissed off many. She was used, as so many marginalized humans are. She definitely didn’t have adequate support.”

Sandra Shupe, Elisa’s wife, said in a June 2024 post on X that Elisa was hospitalized for a fifth time because of suicidal ideation as a result of people trying to exploit her, knowing she was mentally unwell.

Gender-affirming care brought her to Syracuse. But Shupe also received psychiatric care at the VA center here and was discharged from the inpatient psychiatry unit Jan. 21, according to the VA notification.

Six days later, Shupe died by suicide. Her wife did not respond to Syracuse.com’s request for an interview. The family did not publish an obituary.

Sue Kerr, an activist and blogger, who met Shupe at an LGBTQ+ community center in Pittsburgh, last talked to her in 2018.

In a tribute to Shupe, Kerr recalled spending hours with her at a trans pride picnic, bonding over their shared experiences of abusive childhoods, misunderstood young adulthoods and a mutual desire to make a positive impact on the world.

Elisa was so intense and fierce in her thinking, Kerr said. She lived a hard life and often struggled with her own identity and health, according to Kerr.

“I do not believe Elisa was broken by her identity. She was broken by failed systems including her family of origin and the military as well as the anti-transgender movement,” Kerr said. “She was beaten down by beauty standards, by her own conflicting desire to be accepted and to challenge non-acceptance.”

Where to get help

If in crisis, help is available by calling, texting or chatting with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.

For a veteran-specific crisis line, dial 988 and press 1, or text 838255.

For a transgender-specific crisis line, call the Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860.

For an LGBTQ+ specific crisis line call 866-488-7386 or text 678678.